i disagree, though there are parts of it that do suck, majorly, and no tweaking can solve the problems. i've been all proud of myself on my own no-cry sleeping tactics with the boys until i described a typical night to a friend who isn't a mom yet, and she looked at me with terror in her eyes. i guess life does suck at night. however, i guess it "works" for me, so i will keep my program going until someone grows up a bit more and i have to change it. things that make my life interesting in the evening: i do bedtime alone, every night. even when jj is here i do bedtime alone since that's what the boys are used to. i absolutely refuse to let either one cry, let alone cry to sleep because it doesn't do anything but make me feel awful and produce unrestful sleep for sad kids :-( another thing is that hudson nurses quite often still, and i am in the process of teaching him to fall asleep without nursing. it's going very well, but he still wakes as frequently.
but, even as our routines are non-elaborate and easy to follow, they wear me out. they both wake for the day at 7 or so. august doesn't nap and will not let me nap so there's that....hudson will take a nap, though i'm very lucky to get 45 min out of him so i can get the lunch dishes done. oh how i miss the afternoon craft time i used to have....baths and bedtime started before 7 every night. i nurse and rock h and he goes in his crib. read 3-150 books to august, sing a random song, talk about his favorite part of the day and what he has planned for tomorrow(my fav part of the day) and then i lay with him and snuggle for a few minutes.
quiet time follows, but hudson will wake 2-3 times before i even go up to bed at 11. sometimes it takes up to a half hour to get him to sleep each time and stay asleep in his crib. sometimes i do it over and over and he freaks out every time i lay him down and then i want to freak out. i bring him up with me still to cosleep at 11 because i like having him with me. i get my craft/cleaning time in at night but like tonight i am exhausted and unable to sew. hudson will wake me to nurse/snuggle several more times tonight, and i will wake up each time. august might wake once (he does maybe three times a week) and i am the only one who can settle him. plus, when i get out of bed to go get him back to sleep i wake up hudson who will cry with jj up here until i come back to bed.
all of this sounds crappy but typical for an infant but hudson is not an infant any more. i have just kind of accepted it and it seemed like my version of normal until i got that outsider perspective. i am bone tired every day. i feel better, mood-wise, due to my wonderful medication and diet and exercise, but i am just worn out. i have not had a real full night's sleep (more than 6 hours) in almost two years. i lost my opportunity for a nap last fall. can you believe i want another child? the one thing that will absolutely hold me back is hudson's sleeping habits. i will not get pregnant until he is sleeping better. i doubt he will sleep through the night for a long time yet, but better is, well, better. i cannot do what i do and have a newborn to cosleep with. once hudson hits 18months, he will move in with gus to a double bed and i will get to redo their room into a boys' room. and then i will sleep, hopefully, until i have another tiny little one to do it all over again with. hopefully.
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2 comments:
this routine sounds very hard and exhausting to me, but also through your descriptions exudes a patience and love for your kids that i still aspire to. your boys are very lucky to have such a dedicated mama who won't let them cry and who does what it takes to maintain a peaceful household. hang in there and do what you need to do for your kids and to feel like the kind of mom you want to be. the sleeping will get better, eventually. your boys are still really young. but it will get better. and i think that when that time comes, you will be a very close-knit little family because of all the countless, thankless hours you are putting in now. you are an inspiration to me, mandy. i'm serious.
i wish you good sleep tonight. maybe we can have a playdate soon.
thank you so much for reading that and commenting. i think i wrote that post to myself, to reaffirm why i am doing this for my children. they really do benefit and they are only little for a short time.
your comment about patience was very much appreciated as i was less than patient with august today and feeling badly about it. tomorrow is a new day, and yes let's get together soon!
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