wise thoughts

from a mom of three wonderful, social and loving boys around the preteen age:
"You know, just keep doing what you are doing because in the end it's the right thing to do. I didn't make many friends along the way and I second-guessed myself so much...."
she is the only support (besides jj, who waffles occasionally) on a certain issue and it's nice to chat with her sometimes to remember why i do the things i do. when you take away the ideas about raising kids that are fixed in your brain before you even have kids, sometimes there's not a lot there you want to use. sometimes it's hard to read all the research and books and not be overwhelmed when it all sounds like the right way to go. no praise and no punishment, then what? of course i use excessive amounts of choice to facilitate autonomy. my hangups about my kids wearing sweatpants and a halloween costume every day are my own; if they want to wear those things i will let them if they choose it. my big problem is others pushing their agendas onto them. i don't want to stop the chorus of "good job you put your sock on" because it feels wrong. i dont want to be asked later on why i never said good job. i'm splitting hairs here, but it's a snapshot of my brain the past month. i think that my biggest challenge right now is letting go of the appearance of things, giving up control of them when it really doesn't matter, and ending the manipulation that i didn't even know was there. i'm so tired of buzz words and theories and being anxious so i'm taking a hiatus from research. we are going to unschool until further notice. end of story.