EVERY TIME. without fail. every sewing and now knitting project has issues. some are irreversible, and i trash the project. at least with knitting i can unravel and start over. i am SO PISSED that i wasted a whole week knitting up the back portion of a sweater jacket with this intricate seed stitch/garter stitch pattern. when i started the decreases to shape it around the arms, here i had an extra 20+ stitches. WTF. it was a rectangle, not some crazy shape like i was inventing stitches all over the place. it started out with 69 casted on, so i have no idea how i got so many stitches. it is maddening. how did i not realize along the way that something was very very wrong? i have been K1P1 in my sleep and now it's all for nothing. i suppose i'll boohoo about this same issue for the next thing i mess up. i was this way in college too, even making prints in the intaglio shop. i just had an ice cold labatt. today was awful. children suck the life out of me on some days. the only quiet time i had was scooping snow (this is an inside joke for someone i know). scoop scoop scoop.
all of this is trivial and stupid, but i keep failing at every single little task and it wears on me! i couldnt even get the toilet unplugged (thanks husband who left it like that and went to work at 10am) so i had to pee in the shower without gus seeing me. the piles of guilt i get for 1. having another child 2. letting child sleep with me 3. somehow damaging first child by having second child and treating him like the baby he is ...i've had it with all that. somehow, first born children survive not being the baby any more. i sure did. i will not feel like i'm a failure for doing what i know is right for my children.
ok i posted this and then i thought of one neat thing that happened today. gus is figuring out how to count to 19. he has 1-11 mastered and can count objects to that point. 12-19 are sometimes out of order and mispronounced (threeteen) but he's on his way.
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i know it's easy to say don't listen to those who tell you that you're not parenting right. you're a college girl, having research to back you up! just say it's evidence based practice and so how they respond!
i had a dream last night malik had some disease that made him so much larger than all of the other kids. he looked like the combination of mr munster and a balloon. :(
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