date with gamma

gus now says gamma and gampa, minus the R. he could say the words a long time ago, but chose to use Mama Bus and Mama Cow. we ate at steak n shake, where he got to sip my mom's milkshake. then we went to hobby lobby, apparently so august could touch everything. i've been savoring a visa gift card i got for christmas, and i decided to spend it on a few skeins of yarn and some circular needles instead of paying bills with it. i'm sure my SIL didn't intend on paying my phone bill for me for christmas.
i was thinking at dinner about how much of a groove i have going with my boys. i remember being terrified of going out with just august, even when he was in his preemie sleep all the time days. we kept him in a sling then so he wasn't exposed to germs, but still...i like my life now much more. hudson's personality is awesome, he says meh meh and signs for milk, he eats anything. august is hilarious. he told me to "quiet down mommy" when i was yelling at an AB conversation between jj and the eye clinic he took gus to. that was my cue to "C" my way out of it.
i completely understand why people stop at two children, and the Family of Four cliche has nothing to do with it. i just recently (in december) figured out bedtime. i'm getting better at gd with august every day. it really is all-consuming, and that is a good thing. they are this little only once. i have no problem with that. things do pull at me, and i get a little resentful at times, but it passes. i have the rest of my life to sleep on my stomach. the thought of having to night wean makes me sad. i don't want to, so i guess we won't for a while. sometimes i want to knit, and i look longingly at my needles while i hold a squirming toddler on my lap. i always thought that the second baby would come and i'd feel the same way about him as i do about gus. it's weird, but i don't. i think it's the age. i don't love either one more or favor one, but it just feels different. my attachment to each boy is different. the attachments are so strong, but their needs are different, and i think that's why i feel that way. reading that makes me sound like i don't love hudson! i do! i can physically feel it in my chest sometimes...it just surprises me how much i love my boys. they are going to be just as goofy as jj and i are.
i was reading a post of a newly 2nd time mom on a discussion board and she was asking how do you do it with a newborn and a toddler...you don't. it. was. awful. i put on a brave face and forced myself to move. people who are new parents to one baby BLAH BLAH BLAH is what i say. that's why i see how people stop at two. i think about that when i'm eating at our table with h and gus. i'd have to get a fifth chair that wouldn't match. that symbolizes the changes i'd have to make to accomodate a third child. i really wouldn't get to turn hudson's crib storage room into my crafting room. we'd really need that third row seat. hudson really couldn't sleep with me forever (well he couldnt' anyway). however, i know that there are enough clothes and unused bpa-free bottles and cloth diapers and love to go around, even if the children outnumbered their parents. one of the answers to that poor woman's post was "Deep breath. It's not easy, but it sure is incredible." TRUE.