what im thinking about

as i nak.
h is having trouble staying asleep tonight. i am drinking too much coffee. it is not a substitute for sleep so i will be getting more sleep and less coffee. it's going to be rough. anyway i've been reading about lactivisim. basically, it's activism for breastfeeding. before i was pregnant with august i knew i wanted to breastfeed. i read books but needed the life experience and a healthy term baby to get it right. i don't blame anyone for the loss of the nursing relationship with august and once we got the formula figured out for him he thrived. however, each bottle i gave him made me more determined to succeed with my next child. blah blah blah. anyway i am not a breastfeeding nazi. i hate that term so i won't claim it. however, if anyone ever at any time insinuates that nursing is dirty, nudity, or worthy of covering up i will speak up. i will not get angry or upset (i hope i don't) but i will assert myself and my son's right to eat. i fed him in a dressing room at kohl's when he was a few weeks old. i felt stupid and was trying to rush him as i was, well, bored in there. i would have fed him out of there but i couldn't find a chair. that store is Old People Central and i couldn't find one chair.
i am not outspoken but if provoked i will try to educate instead of alienate, if that makes sense. illinois has some of the best breastfeeding laws on the books and anywhere i am allowed to be, i am allowed to nurse my son in. i can even nurse him with my entire boob hanging out. go illinois! i prefer not to draw attention to myself, for any reason actually, so i won't be doing that too often. i just hope that some day it will be so normal that there doesn't need to be a law.
yes it's hard, epsecially in the beginning, yes they want to be on the boob all the time (he's nursing again! give him a bottle and get some rest! srsly??) but as awful as that is it's normal. yes i am his pacifier. believe me, i've tried using fake nipples to soothe my son but he prefers the real thing. yes i'd love to eat a large papa john's pizza with a side of mozzarella sticks polished off with a gallon of chocolate milk....but it's not what's best for me right now. i am all over the place with this post but i do feel passionate about breastfeeding. i am so thankful that we got it right this time. people should not be grossed out or freaked out by nursing. it is not something to stare at (i don't like to be stared at when i eat either) and if hudson wants to nurse until he is 3 then i will let him. parenting a toddler makes me wish i could just let him nurse to calm down.
i felt this way all along but i'm glad to have met people that support these thoughts.